


∞

by ninthdreamie



Series: the squirrel and his dearest acorn [18]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 6+1, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin are Soulmates, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Self-Indulgent, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: Puzzle Piece starts playing, and he relives everything that helped him write some of the lyrics. Obviously, he thought of everyone dear to him, including the fans. He thought of how it’d feel like for him to find your other, better half but back then, he didn’t think of Jaemin while writing it. Now, the lyrics hit him a little differently, and Jeno thinks of him.(Alternatively, 6 moments where Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin complete each other, and that 1 fateful day.)
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: the squirrel and his dearest acorn [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1050548
Comments: 34
Kudos: 191





	∞

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to thank [kiki](https://twitter.com/kunisavampire), the best beta to ever beta, on checking (and praising) this self-indulgent baby and for also keeping up with the occasional rants that i have regarding canon!nomin. and for also sending me canon!nomin content to cry over, i love you. i would also like to thank the mammals for expressing excitement every time i talk about the fic; happy monthsary to us, hope you'll enjoy this!
> 
> after a month of battling self-doubt as a writer and other depressing matters, while also being force fed with canon nomin content, we are here! to make the experience better, i suggest you to listen to [the fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5hqxRXmmBewDq6dEWyIY8S?si=1AX8w2DxTv2O7R2ZAdWAlA) in its order while reading. enjoy!

**1**

“Hey.”

Jeno’s breathing hitches at the sound of his voice. He holds his phone tighter, so tight that it is on the verge of breaking. It feels like something is stuck in his throat and he’s trying to gulp it down. He finds himself staring at the bleak wall right in front of him, thinking that if he stares at it longer, then perhaps he’ll get himself together in the midst of the call.

But that’s most likely not going to happen. Not when he can hear him breathing from the other line, not when he can remember the past four years of them together hitting him really hard. Not when it dawns on him that he’s hearing Jaemin’s voice through his _phone_ , and he isn’t hearing him in person.

He isn’t used to this.

This is when the emptiness kicks in, the loneliness that he has been enduring for the past months coming over him like a wave. He finds it harder to breathe now; he has to move his shoulders and open his mouth to get air into his lungs.

“Hi.” It comes off airy. It sounds uncomfortable and suffocating. His voice is laced with longing and just _pain_. He hates sounding like this. “Hi, Jaemin.”

He turns to the wall clock. The hands point at the numbers eleven and somewhere between two and three. The stick doesn’t stop moving, telling him that time is ticking, and that he can’t waste it over being so shaken up. But it’s so hard, because he sounds like he’s doing fine.

The last time he saw him with his own eyes, he was already crying from the pain surging up his back, and it was so severe he had to be brought to the hospital. What makes this memory hurt the most is that Jaemin rarely cried in front of him within the four years they had known each other, but that time has to be the worst.

God, he can’t think straight anymore. He can’t do this. He shouldn’t have done this.

“How have you been doing?”

Jaemin asks so softly, like he always does. He’s always the one who asks that question first, always the first one to check on the rest of them. Jeno bets that he is sporting his signature warm smile right now, as if there’s no injury putting his life in danger.

The thought frustrates him so much that it makes his eyes sting. He isn’t mad at Jaemin, no—he likes to think he’ll never be for as long as they’re together, but he just feels so helpless. Thinking about it, he could have done something in order for it to not worsen. He could have just asked him if he’s okay and if he’s in pain, could have just observed him more than the rest. Maybe that would’ve helped. Maybe that wouldn’t bring them to where they currently are.

But the damage is done. Jaemin is not in their dorm anymore, he isn’t by his side, and from what he knows there’s a small chance of him coming back healthy.

“Um, don’t end the call, okay? I’ll just,” Jeno bites his lip too hard, so not a sob from him can reach the other line. “Go grab snacks for myself.”

“Oh.” He can hear his mood dropping. Jeno starts to feel sick to his stomach. “Go ahead.”

He gently puts his phone down to his side, careful enough not to end the call by accident. And after that, he walks out of his room, getting to the kitchen. Jeno comes up with an idea, that if he ate his sadness away, he would be okay and he wouldn’t be able to worry Jaemin. So with that thought, he opens the fridge.

Unfortunately, there are no snacks for him to munch on. All that is in it is food that he has to cook, and he’s horrible at that.

And naturally, his mind just runs back to Jaemin, in the most pathetic way possible. He remembers the nights they both spent in the kitchen together, ever since they moved into this dorm. He’d usually be restless and hungry in these hours, the sizzles coming from the frying pan easing his senses. He can still recall the feeling of melatonin coursing through his system after his stomach gets full, and the contented smile he wears that hurts his cheeks.

But most of all, he remembers the look of pure joy in Jaemin’s face whenever he enjoyed the food he made. He is always the happiest over things like that. The smallest things.

More memories rush back to him and it makes him close the fridge slowly, leaning his head against it. He fails to hold in the tears of frustration, sadness, and longing. His emotions cloud his sense of rationality. He falls to his knees. He stops himself from letting out a sound, a hand over his mouth, his sobbing making his shoulders tremble.

Jeno has never felt _this_ hollow over the lack of someone’s presence in his life. He has never felt this sad, lost and angry in a while, up until this very moment. Nothing seems right now that Jaemin is not here and he’s trying to get better. It’s not that he relied on him too heavily back when he was still here.

It’s just that it feels like he never really cherished him when he had a lot of years to do that.

“Jeno-yah, Jaemin’s been—,”

Through his blurry eyes, he sees Renjun holding his phone. His eyes have gotten so big it seems like it’s going to burst out. Just from his unkempt hair, Jeno can tell that he woke up in the midst of his precious slumber, much to his dismay.

“I’m fine.” Jeno doesn’t even try to look okay to Renjun. Smiling isn’t doing him any good; it just makes his head ache even more. “Tell him I’m fine.”

Renjun sighs, putting his phone close to his ear, his look of irritation now morphing into pity. He keeps eye contact with him as he lies through his teeth. “Jeno is fine, Jaemin-ah. He just hit his foot against the fridge.”

He pulls his phone away from his ear as soon as he says it, murmuring, “Jeno, you could have just called tomorrow. We need to sleep, it’s late.”

And Renjun’s right. He could have just called him at a time when his mind is too busy with practicing and performing, or if he was just emotionally stable. But it can’t be helped.

Jeno misses Jaemin so much, _so much_ that even saying it out loud won’t even be able to express the hollowness inside him.

“I miss him, Renjun.” Jeno feels his frustration building up, wiping the tears that won’t stop sliding down his cheeks. He wants to take it all out on something—probably break a pillow or punch a wall, but he knows himself well. All he can really do is cry. “I really miss him.”

The words he thought he’d never say to Jaemin’s face happen to reach the other line. He doesn’t notice how loud his voice is getting. Also, Renjun has a tendency to accidentally press things on anyone’s phone, so it gets even harder for Jeno to breathe when his voice is on loudspeaker, echoing throughout the kitchen.

What hurts the most is that he sounds anything but happy.

“I miss you more, you idiot.”

Jaemin’s voice seems to be on the verge of cracking, as if he’s trying to hold back from saying something more. It’s as if he’s holding back tears.

What’s the point of holding everything in now that he’s heard? Jeno cries harder, curling into himself, the side of his head leaning against the fridge.

Before he can let out another sob, Renjun hands him the phone, his eyes getting watery over two of his friends looking so heartbroken. He leaves the kitchen without a word, his rushed footsteps back to his room easing the overwhelming silence.

Now Jeno is left again with loneliness keeping him company, and Jaemin on the phone. He doesn’t know what to say other than the usual _I miss you_ and _it feels so lonely now that you’re not here_. He doesn’t want to make everything more depressing than it already is.

But he...he just needs to get this off of his chest, before he tries to lift up the mood for the both of them. Jeno is still not done crying, his phone pressed against his ear as he mutters, “I—I wished I’d looked after you more.”

He doesn’t hear anything from the other line, but maybe he doesn’t hear it because all he is hearing is his own hiccups. “Maybe if I had, then you’d still be here.”

Pure regret. His mom was right when she told him that absence taught people the value of presence. Those cheesy romance films he had to watch with his sister before were right when they said that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It’s a shame that he has to learn those things in the hardest way possible.

“It isn’t your fault. I neglected myself, to get to where we are.” Jaemin assures him, his voice breathy. Jeno can hear some of the songs he recommended to him before playing in the background. “So don’t be sorry, okay? You know I don’t like knowing you’re sad.”

Of course, it’s always Jaemin who does the comforting when he should be the one receiving such. He’s too good for this world, too good for the rest of their members. He’s too good for him. “I don’t like seeing you hurt either. I just want you to be okay, Jaemin. It’s all I want.”

Deep inside, he wants to go back to his room and change into something comfortable for outdoors, then sneak out of the dorm and go to where Jaemin is. He knows which hospital he is in, he can visit him if he wants to. But Jeno knows better than disappointing the managers and causing panic for the members over disappearing so suddenly.

Jaemin wouldn’t want him to be so reckless either.

“I’ll be okay. I promise.” Jeno holds on to his words, feeling his heart hurt less. “Only visit me when you’re allowed to. Eat proper meals every day. Take care of yourself. Do your best—heh, what’s the point of saying that when you always give more than your best?”

“Stop flattering me.”

“I mean it,” Jaemin counters. He can already imagine how he’d look like saying that if they were facing each other now. Jeno can already feel his arms wrapping around him—that is, if he was here. “You’re already doing amazing Jeno.”

He doesn’t respond to that, and he just lets the silence fall upon them again. Compared to earlier, the atmosphere is less depressing. Now that he has gotten almost everything off of his chest, he decides it’s now time to make Jaemin happy, with all the time he has left to waste.

“Um, now that the sad stuff’s out of the way.” He clears his throat, realizing how he has ruined his voice. _Oh no_ , he thinks to himself. He sounds really croaky; it might not be solved with proper rest. “How’s your back doing?”

“Horrible, I kinda want a transplant if that’s possible.” The deadpan tone in his voice makes Jeno chuckle. He kind of finds it so sick of him to find that even funny, but Jaemin laughed along with him. Maybe he did mean for it to be a joke. “But other than that, I’m really happy you called.”

From there, the tone of their conversation shifts to something lighter and bearable. Jeno doesn’t move from his spot, and doesn’t bother to check what time it is. Heck, he doesn’t even care if he’ll be scolded by the managers tomorrow for having a hoarse voice.

Okay, maybe he does care about that last part. He clears his throat, hoping that it will do something good.

“That’s good,” Jeno utters, now able to smile.

“Yeah, it is I guess.”

Jeno has always been the one quite bad at holding conversations between the two of them, so he just blurts out whatever comes to his mind, to keep it going. “I love you, Jaemin-ah.”

And then his eyes widened, realizing what he just said. _What the—_

As if that wasn’t already shocking, he hears Jaemin shyly reply, “I—I love y-you too, Jeno-yah.” Jeno almost chokes on his own saliva, his eyes widening. He didn’t expect him to say it back, really, but maybe this is what distance does to people.

Now he doesn’t know where the conversation should go from here. God, he’s so stupid sometimes, he should have said something else. But that’s the first thing that came to mind, and it’s not entirely a lie either. He just has never said it out loud.

He loves Jaemin on a level that he can’t seem to put into words just yet. But he does have a lot of time to figure that out.

Right?

That’s not the priority here, he tells himself. The first thing he’ll do is start looking after him more, starting now.

“Um, anyway, have you eaten already?” Jaemin asks, smoothly changing the topic. Now Jeno doesn’t have to think too much about his sudden declaration of love to his best friend.

“I haven’t.”

“Eat! Don’t get hungry, okay?” From the raise in pitch, Jaemin will start to nag and Jeno gets up from the floor, settling on cooking ramen for himself.

“I promise.” _Until he comes back_.

∞

**2**

Jaemin knows that he had his debut a year and a half ago. He is already an idol, and supposedly, he’s two years into the industry he plunged himself into.

But he just can’t help feeling like he has fallen behind, now that he’s officially back from his so-called break and his members—the only group of friends he has, have improved so much. They are much more experienced and mature, they kind of know their way around this industry now, to the point that it feels like they’re senior artists rather than his actual members. Compared to them he still feels like a naive rookie, _a sore thumb_ , a kid suffering with adjustment period, everyone having their eyes on his every move.

At first, he considered the idea of bowing to the six of them during his first practice in awhile, but they were considerate enough to tell him that he’ll be able to catch up. _You are Na Jaemin_ , they said with the proudest grins on their faces. And he appreciates the faith they have in him, he really does.

However, those aren’t just his problems. It’s really more than all of the conflicts he’s experiencing as NCT Dream’s Jaemin.

There’s something— _someone_ else making his head ache lately.

“Nana, are you okay?”

Speaking of the said headache. He can recognize that voice even in his dreams. Everyone in the dorm knows that he never really called anyone by their nicknames unless it’s for the jokes, opting for just their names and adding the appropriate suffix. But ever since he came back, Jeno kept calling him many good things. Aside from his default nickname, he has been referred to with pet names that make Jaemin want to seal his mouth with tape just for him to shut up.

Not that he really hates it though. It’s just bothersome, in a way he can’t comprehend yet.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaemin doesn’t have to look into his eyes to answer. He keeps his eyes on his phone, trying his best to look for more cute videos to watch. He should have been sleeping by now, they still have to polish their choreography by tomorrow, but his mind is yet to calm down. “What’s keeping you up?”

He hears the door close and his light footsteps approaching his bed. He still doesn’t tear his gaze away from his phone, smiling at a video thumbnail of a guy giving his pet dog a shower. Just as his thumb was about to press on said thumbnail, he felt something— _someone_ heavy resting on his torso.

“Are you sure?” Jaemin slightly pulls his head away from his pillow and now Jeno’s chin is resting on his chest. He is beaming at him, his arms wrapped around his waist. He can feel his ears and cheeks warming up at such a cute sight.

It highly reminds him of that dog in the thumbnail, but he won’t say it aloud.

To make him stop asking the same questions since he came back, and to not make him worry anymore most of all, Jaemin nods.

“Yeah.” Jaemin adds, smiling a little.

“That’s good.”

And just as he was about to go back to watching that video, Jeno snatches his phone and puts it beside his pillow, shifting around the bed so he is now lying next to him.

Before he can tell him to give his phone back, Jaemin is pulled closer, so close that his cheek is pressed against his shoulder and he can hear Jeno breathing against his ear. He’s at a loss of words; he wasn’t even given time to be annoyed. He can’t help but wonder: _since when did Jeno get so clingy?_

From the past few years within their friendship, he had always been the more physically affectionate one between the two of them. It was always Jeno who’d frown whenever he puckered his lips to just leave kisses on his face. It was always him who’d push him away after a five-second hug. It was always him who’d tell him to tone it down because it made him uncomfortable. He clearly stated he didn’t like physical affection at all.

But what changed that? What could’ve happened in a year and a half? Why’s he suddenly like this?

Ever since he came back, Jeno never left his side unless he really had to, and he isn’t even exaggerating. He started being the clingier one, being the first one who checks on him, being the person he always sits next to in vans and planes, being the first one to offer him help whenever he cooked. To think that he used to hate hugs that lasted longer than five seconds, yet now he hugs Jaemin like he has no plans of letting him go.

It’s as if Jaemin is going to be stolen away from Jeno, without warning.

“I hope you don’t mind me sleeping here tonight.” Jeno whispers, clinging onto him even more. His voice has a hint of something indescribable to Jaemin. No, it’s not similar to how he sounded like two years ago when he got called by him. This is something different.

“You always sleep here, you’re basically an honorary roommate now.” Jaemin points out.

“Aren’t you happy about it?”

And his usually forgetful brain makes him remember the time Jeno called him almost two years ago, when he told him that he wished he looked after him more. He remembers how broken and regretful he sounded on the phone, how hearing it moved Jaemin to tears.

“I’m really happy about it.” He mumbles, pulling away a little just to look at Jeno’s face, now lying on the pillow. Alongside the not so nice memory, Jaemin gets hit with an unexpected wave of nostalgia when he sees him up close. Since when did he grow so much within the six years they’ve been together?

Back then, Jeno was so thin and now he has gotten some fat on his cheeks, he has firmer muscles and broader shoulders, and he just looks much more handsome compared to before. Well, Jaemin knows he has gotten to that stage too, but seeing the effects of puberty on his best friend is a whole other kind of experience.

He can’t believe they grew up together.

“I’m happy you’re here.”

And then his mind reminds him cruelly, that _not exactly_. He has not really seen Jeno from late 2016 to the most of 2017, because he busied himself with physiotherapy, working on getting better. He only has a small idea of how they fared when he wasn’t around. They only said that they did pretty well, that there were big achievements, like their first win as a group.

Jaemin feels his heart drop to his stomach again at the thought that he’s falling behind, that he is missing out and he needs to catch up in so many things, especially in spending time with his best friend. He gulps the lump forming in his throat.

_He has been spending a lot of time with Renjun lately_ , he thinks. They have their own set of inside jokes that he can’t comprehend. They have formed a kind of connection that he doesn’t share with Jeno. He has gotten closer to Donghyuck too; he acts so comfortably around him that it makes him sad even if he shouldn’t feel that way.

_Are you happy that I’m here?_

His mind gets more restless from there, his insecurities beginning to kick in. He starts comparing himself to his other same-aged friends, thinking of the things that make their friendship with Jeno such a nice sight, highlighting their best traits. And then Jaemin highlights his worst ones—how he’s a total pain in the ass even before he got injured, and just someone who isn’t even a good friend.

No, he isn’t jealous. He’ll never feel such an ugly emotion towards Donghyuck and Renjun. They’re more interesting individuals and they surely bring more joy to Jeno’s life. All he is is just—

Something brings him back to reality and he sees his hand clutching on the fabric of Jeno’s shirt, and he catches his look of concern again.

“What are you thinking?” Jeno asks, placing his hand over Jaemin’s.

“It’s nothing.” He quickly brushes it off, breaking eye contact and settling his hands on his shoulder instead. “It’s nothing, really.”

_It’s not just nothing_. He isn’t going to say that out loud though; he doesn’t want to make anyone worry. He doesn’t want to come off more high maintenance than he already is. He doesn’t want to be even more of a burden to the group, and most especially to Jeno.

Jaemin quickly changes the topic, not even minding what is coming out of his mouth. The harder that he tries to strike a different conversation with him, the crease between Jeno’s eyebrows gets more prominent. For once, he just wants him to go with the flow, to stop being so worried about him because he is doing okay.

At least, he is getting to that. _What a liar._

“You’ve been pretty distant.”

Now it is him who frowns at Jeno, confused by that statement. He can’t ignore the dreadful atmosphere surrounding them. “What?”

A sigh comes out of him, pressing the side of his face further into the pillow. “Ever since you came back you just keep putting up some kind of barrier. You only cling onto me when we’re in front of the camera, and when we’re done you never bother me like you used to.”

From how he worded it, it seems like he is trying to imply that Jaemin caused his own dilemma. At first, his pride makes him want to deny it, but if there’s someone who knows him better, it’s Jeno.

“When you’re around Mark hyung or Renjun or Donghyuck, you’re loud and bright and always smiling. When you’re around Jisung and Chenle, you still baby them like years ago. But why is that when it comes to me, it’s like we’ve never been friends in the first place?”

The _hurt_ —it shows in his eyes. Jaemin doesn’t know how to respond to that. Jeno has never been this honest with him in person.

“Did I say something wrong during our calls, or when we went out to celebrate my birthday? Do you not want to see me? Am I being too much?” Jaemin feels his arms around him retract slowly. _It’s not that_. He tries opening his mouth, hoping that something will come out. But words fail him. “You can always tell me to back off.”

Honestly, the last thing he’d want to tell Jeno was to back off. The last thing he’d want to make him feel was that he wasn’t important, when he is more than that to him. Judging from his body language, it seems that he will get up from bed and leave his room.

_You mean a lot to me._

_Please stay here._

_I’m sorry._

But he doesn’t.

Instead, his hand is on his cheek, caressing his skin with his thumb. He stays there, patiently waiting for Jaemin to say something and that’s when an epiphany hits him.

Not everything has changed. Or at least, not everything has changed _completely_. A perfect example of that has to be Jeno—still patient and kind and everything good in Jaemin’s life, is lying next to him.

For the past six years, he is still always there, still here with him.

“I don’t hate you, Jeno.” Jaemin starts, his mouth beginning to tremble. “And I want you around, all the time. It’s just that...”

So that Jeno doesn’t have to see him break, he rests his head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. “There are many things so new to me, like how you’ve all grown and how you’ve been treating me so differently, and it’s hard for it to all sink in.”

He calms down when Jeno starts running his hands through his newly dyed honey brown locks. “And I feel like a sore thumb. I feel like a new addition to the group, some stranger who isn’t supposed to be here. So I’ve been trying to find my place within our group.”

“Don’t say that.” Jeno hugs him tighter, if that’s even possible with how he has been pulling him close.

“It’s true, Jen. I’ve missed out on a lot.” Jaemin confesses, a bittersweet smile plastered on his face. “You’ve made more memories with the rest in a year and a half. So seeing you being closer with them just...it makes me think that yeah, I really wasn’t around at some point.” He laughs to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t work.

Now that he has let it all out, he feels relieved. The sadness is still present however, because his best friend feels so far away. Jaemin is about to turn around and cry into his palms.

But Jeno rests his chin on the crown of his head, softly telling him, “There wasn’t a day when we didn’t talk about wanting you to come back to us. I wanted you to come back to me every day. I may have had fun and all, but I never stopped thinking about how happier we’d be if you were there. And now that you’re back, I just don’t want you to get hurt anymore.”

Something cracks inside Jaemin upon hearing that. Those words feel like the waves that washed his toes in the beach he used to go to with his mom, back when he considered Busan as his home. Those words make him recall what he felt the first time he returned to the dorm, when he saw how Jisung almost broke down in tears, how Renjun immediately ran to hug him, and how Jeno just stood where he was like the world stopped spinning for him.

“I just want you to stay with me forever, Jaemin-ah.”

It dawns on him then, that he has two homes: the first one is the house where his family lives, and the second one is Lee Jeno.

“I can’t promise that, Jeno-yah.” However, he knows that nothing is for sure in this world of theirs.

“Then I’ll take care of you and make sure nothing bad happens anymore.”

Jeno reaches out for Jaemin’s hand with his free hand, filling the gaps between each other’s fingers naturally.

“If you feel like a sore thumb, then let me know, so we’ll be sore thumbs together.”

With those words coming from him, Jaemin feels the barriers he built around himself crumble at such a fast pace; it feels like he’s breaking away from chains slowing him down. He rests his head on his pillow to face Jeno again, and he starts peppering kisses all over his face, expecting to be pushed away like before.

Except that Jeno willingly drowns in all the affection Jaemin is giving him, to the point that he tries to reciprocate in the same amount. This makes him think that there might be something else they have to talk about soon, but for now, this is enough.

Scratch that, it’s more than enough.

When they’re done giggling and teasing and all that’s left is just drowsiness, Jaemin murmurs “goodnight,” leaving a gentle kiss on his forehead. He doesn’t fight the grin that comes to his face when Jeno starts burying his face in the crook of his neck after.

Jaemin slowly closes his eyes, his breathing getting steady with an already sleeping Jeno clinging onto him. “I’m happy you’re here, Jeno.” He mutters with finality, before going to dreamland.

∞

**3**

If anyone asks Jeno if he really needs his cue sheet right now, he’d answer that he’d do fine without it. He has been one of the MCs of this music show for quite awhile now, he doesn’t stumble over his lines and adlibs anymore, and he knows the things he should say by heart.

But for today, there’s a sense of desperation inside him, which is why he’s holding onto his dear cue sheet like his life depends on it. All that’s on his mind is that he hopes the numbers won’t fail him later on, that he’ll be able to give the trophy to his friends. He believes that they all deserve it after almost a year of not having any real promotions, and months of having to prepare well for it.

And most of all, Jaemin has not experienced the satisfaction of having a first win yet, so it’s no question that he deserves it the most.

The cameramen are checking on their equipment for the last time before they start filming. He turns to Yeeun, with her cute headband and her own cue sheet. She is currently holding the trophy, that shiny object he got a chance to hold last 2017.

God, he’s so desperate, he wants them to win. Getting nominated is already a big thing for them, but if they get at least a win for this, he’ll be the happiest. If they get to win, he’ll make Jaemin hold the trophy.

“Okay, today’s performers please come in.”

In a quick yet orderly manner, all of the artists who have performed today fill in the stage. His group and the two other nominees were the last to enter, standing next to the MCs. Jeno sees that Renjun leads them this time around. Chenle and Jisung look like they’re arguing over what kind of shenanigans they did back in the waiting room.

Then there is Jaemin, who has been in a good mood since this morning; it shows in the way he _glows_. Jeno feels his ears warming up the longer he ogles him, so he turns to his cue sheet again and pretends that he’s going over his lines.

Jeno may not see it, but he can feel Jaemin staring at him from where he is. It makes him self-conscious, and intensifies his desperation to win.

“Ready,” One of the cameramen utters, and all of the performers behind and beside him straighten themselves up. These kinds of things bring him back to when he was just sixteen, when he was just like all of them. For a moment, he forgot how nervous he was a while ago. A nostalgic smile makes its way to his face before it falls, putting up a serious yet polite expression as someone from the crew yelled, “Cue!”

He does it, in a way that he has been practicing it for a year. “Airing live on SBS MTV, Japan’s TBS, Myanmar’s Fortune TV, and MTV Asia in eighteen countries, it’s _The Show_!”

Jeno calmly puts his mic down after that, his eyes remaining on the camera, and Yeeun is the one who starts talking. The anxiousness is present again, but he tries his best not to let it show on his face. Gosh, he knows that they usually announce the winners in a very direct manner, not minding if there’s tension built or not. But it feels like everything is slowing down while his heart rate is picking up by the second.

He just wants to get this over with.

“It’s time to reveal The Show Choice for the first week of August 2019.”

There’s no need for him to turn to them to know that his friends are on their toes. They’re just as nervous as him so that can mean they’re not expecting as much as him. He isn’t sure, since he didn’t hear them talk about what they would do if they won when he visited their waiting room earlier. Well, that’s something they’ll worry about later.

“Please show us the voting results!”

Through a screen right in front of them, Jeno and Yeeun are shown the nominees’ empty scoreboards. “First, the streaming and album points.” He keeps his microphone close to his mouth as he watches the numbers move in lightning speed.

For the first part of the criteria, NCT Dream has gathered 5,000 points. Jeno keeps a straight face, immediately comparing their score to the two other groups. _It’s so high_ , he thinks with amazement. His seemingly lack of reaction sparks curiosity among his members, most especially Renjun, who is trying to catch a glimpse of the screen.

“Music video, expert, and fan pre-show voting points,” Yeeun stares at the screen as well. Jeno coolly gulps the lump down his throat upon seeing how the two nominees weren’t so far behind, but they thankfully remained first in this category, with a score of 3,600.

He starts to feel his hand shaking. They seem like they’re going to win today, but that chance could go down the drain over the last part of the criteria. Not wanting to keep his hopes high, Jeno spares a glance at his friends, seeing a very fidgety Jisung who obviously expects to win. Chenle is the only one there keeping his cool, and Renjun has his hands clasped together, looking expectantly at him.

And then there’s Jaemin, with a hand on Renjun’s shoulder, still smiling at the fans in front of them. It’s hard to tell if he’s nervous or not, but he looks like he’s already happy enough to be nominated. The thought makes his heart sting.

_Just one win for Jaemin, please_ , Jeno begs as he announces the last part of the criteria. “Here are the real-time votes during the live broadcast.”

The numbers are moving at lightning speed again, but it ends abruptly. Jeno initially refuses to spare a glance, not wanting to set himself up for disappointment. Still, he adds, “And The Show Choice winner is...”

Yeeun quickly gets to it, giving Jeno the biggest shock of tonight.

“ _NCT Dream_!”

For a minute, it seems so hard to believe. But she said so, that they did it. NCT Dream finally won for this promotion. _This can’t be real_ , he tells himself. He’s still in the process of finally believing it, but he knows now’s not the time to zone out. Yeeun hands the trophy over to him, so he immediately thanks her.

A whole mix of emotions is going on inside him, yet it doesn’t show in his smile when he passes the physical manifestation of their hard work to Renjun. He still can’t believe it, even as he watches Chenle’s and Jisung’s wide smiles. Jeno watches Jaemin jump a couple of times out of joy, his smile much brighter than before.

Personally, seeing Jaemin so happy makes Jeno feel like he didn’t win just once tonight, but twice.

“Let’s hear your thoughts!” Yeeun chirps, as Renjun cutely raises the trophy for the fans to see with a grin. They cheer loudly in response.

It’s in these times that Mark takes the microphone to formally thank the people in the company since he was their leader, but he’s not here. Donghyuck isn’t here either to celebrate this achievement, having other schedules to prioritize too. It would’ve been awesome if they won today with them.

Usually, it’s Jeno who does the talking first, but it feels like someone else deserves to do it more.

With a smile that makes his eyes become crescents, Jeno turns to his members. “Yes, let’s hear your thoughts!” He passes the microphone to Jaemin, who really looked like he wanted to say something. Finally, they got to win something with him this time around.

And from there, everything felt hazy like he was on a high, almost like a fever dream. He doesn’t know how he managed to not lose touch of reality amidst everything, but he’s here. He is still a little high off the happiness, still struggling to register it in his brain.

With obnoxious ways of saying goodbye, they end the live broadcast, and the drive back to their dorm is now quiet. Chenle is on the seat next to his, the exhaustion from today’s events making him snore softly. Jeno feels like he is about to sleep too, but then the energy he thought he lost returns upon what he saw.

While Jisung is silently playing games on his phone on the seat in front of him, Jaemin is unmoving on his seat, holding the trophy as if it will break by a few more touches. He may not see his face fully from where he’s sitting, but he can tell his happiness is at an immeasurable level tonight. It makes him happy too.

After all, Jaemin deserves the world and more.

The van stops moving after a while. He is surprised to find out from their manager that they’re already parked in the building where their dorm is. Jeno takes the initiative to wake Chenle up from his peaceful slumber with a scream, laughing when he screams back and stares into his soul, his bright orange hair a mess.

Jisung and Chenle get off the van first, and then Jeno. He was supposed to go up with them, their manager told him to, but he chose to wait with him by the door.

“You’re really like an old man.” He jokingly remarks as Jaemin _slowly_ gets off his seat, hearing him groan here and there as he exerts effort in making his tired limbs cooperate. The sight makes him want to tease him more, but he could be really tired, so he just waits for him with a look of fondness he reserves for moments like these.

After struggling a lot because he couldn’t let the trophy go, Jaemin finally gets out of the van, letting Jeno grab his hand. “You could’ve gone up with Jisungie and Chenle, _No-yah_.” He feels his cheeks heat up at the nickname. “You don’t have to wait for me all the time.”

Of course, he hears him murmur something incomprehensible after, but he lets it slide. They start walking with their manager behind them, Jeno matching up to Jaemin’s pace, wanting to savor the time they have now that it’s just the two of them.

“You’re anything but a burden to me, Jaem.” He holds his hand tight, turning to him with the smile he had since earlier never seeming to wear off. “And I _want_ to wait for you, so that’s on me!”

From his peripheral vision, Jaemin scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Okay then. So that means you’ll wait for me even if I take an hour getting out of a van?” He dares for the jokes, but Jeno doesn’t read the mood and thinks he’s being serious. So he gets serious since they’re alone anyway; they don’t have to put on their idol personas now.

He slightly shakes his head. “An hour’s nothing to me.”

“Oh, really? An hour’s pretty long though.”

“I really don’t mind, Nana.”

By now, the three of them enter the elevator. He presses all of the numbers, and unexpectedly their manager doesn’t nag them about it. Jeno doesn’t notice how Jaemin has already found his sneakers more interesting, blinking away something in his doll-like eyes.

And as the elevator doors come to a close, Jeno reminisces on the life he had without him, how it just felt wrong and out of place many times because he wasn’t there. He recalls the nights when after ending every phone call they had, he’d start tearing up thinking of the times he didn’t care for Jaemin enough, and he’d turn back time in his head, doing the right things for once.

Looking back at it now, that year and a half still felt like a decade to him, but he’d do it all over again.

“You’ve always been worth the wait to me.”

Jeno is not aware of how his seriousness shakes Jaemin up, making his hands sweat and his normal heartbeat go out of control. The elevator doors open, showing the first floor.

They don’t let go of each other’s hands throughout. Jaemin wracks his brain, trying to muster a proper reply to what he uttered. Jeno on the other hand is still smiley and carefree even as the doors open to the floor where their dorm is. The silence between them stretches as they all walk out of the elevator together, with their manager reminding them of their schedules for the next day.

Even as they finally enter the dorm and see the others look around the kitchen for snacks to munch on, they don’t notice how emotional Jaemin’s eyes look. Of course, his monotonous expression just makes it come off like he’s sleepy.

He is like that for the rest of their slightly late dinner, acting like he isn’t bothered. Jisung and Chenle are staring at him like they have seen past his usually quiet front though, like they have seen how his eyes are currently shaking every time Jeno pays attention to him and takes care of him.

It’s in these moments that Jaemin wishes he wasn’t known so well, and didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.

Later on, when Jisung still has not gotten off of his bed, he ends up in front of the door of the friend he can trust when it comes to hearing him out. He rarely is the first one to approach him, but his feelings have been really bugging him. So he knocks twice even if he doesn’t have to, and then he twists the doorknob, pushing the door forward.

Sitting on the middle of the bed is Renjun, obviously exhausted by his new radio DJ gig from the constant yawning, sketching away on his iPad. He has all his makeup off by now, his black locks all over the place, but he looks peaceful. Seeing him like that makes Jaemin guilty of having to seek his presence tonight, but he did say that he’d always be there to hear him out.

And all that Jaemin needs right now is just an outlet.

“Jaemin-ah, are you okay?” He looks up from his iPad, his grin wearing off when he sees Jaemin pouting.

The pout worsens when he takes a deep breath and answers, “I—I don’t know?”

He was supposed to turn the lights off, that’s what he often does before starting a deep conversation, but his heart has been trying to pop out of his body and just the thought of Jeno makes him want to _bawl_. He doesn’t really know if he’s sad, or overjoyed, or frustrated with what he’s feeling.

Well, it’s not like this was the first time Jeno made him feel like this for the past seven years. This is nothing new, but it just hits harder now that he knows, and he has been aware of this since June.

Renjun approaches him worriedly, turning off the lights in his stead. Jaemin is brought to sit on his bed, the sketch his friend’s supposed to be working on set aside. He doesn’t really see him in the dark, which is good, because he wouldn’t know how to tell everything to his face.

Jaemin starts to slouch, his shoulders slumping as Renjun sits across from him. He blinks his eyes countless times, fighting the urge to tear up that has been there since a while ago. He doesn’t notice how he is holding the latter’s hand so tight it could probably bruise.

“Okay, so what did you come to me for?” They may be the same age, but Renjun feels like the big brother Jaemin never had. He always listens, and he gives him well-thought advice. The way he carries himself is so mature and dependable, that it’s comforting.

So it’s not a surprise that shortly after Renjun pops the question, Jaemin starts to cry into his palms, the emotions he thought he had control of hover over him like a gigantic wave.

With each minute that passes, he cries harder, because this wasn’t so painful before. At first, it was just the sensation of his heart swelling in adoration whenever he saw Jeno. Then days passed and it shifted to his heart aching whenever he wasn’t around, like something in the beating organ was trying to destroy itself. And now...it seems to be a combination of both, and it’s overwhelming him.

Didn’t his mom tell him that he shouldn’t be afraid of love? Isn’t he a person who isn’t afraid to love? What happened to that version of him?

“Is it that bad?” Renjun asks, gently petting his dry blond hair to comfort him.

Jaemin isn’t sure how to answer that question without coming off like a child who’s wasting his precious tears over shallow things, so he settles with a heavy, “I don’t know.”

And Renjun being the more reliable half, he doesn’t take this for an answer. He doesn’t force him to muster a proper response though; he just pets his hair even more and this makes Jaemin want to sleep his feelings away. “Tell me when you’re done crying it out.”

No form of dialogue then happened. The room is only filled with sobs that can make anyone’s heart ache. Slouching for so long eventually affects Jaemin, feeling pain on the spot of his injury, so he straightens his posture while still crying. Renjun proceeds to pat his thighs, until his shoulders stop shaking and he starts coughing from the lack of air.

Jaemin feels like literal shit as he lets his wet, snotty hands rest on his own lap. A few hiccups come off his mouth, so he spends a little bit of time holding his breath and trying to get some air back to his heart.

“I guess it’s that bad when you’re crying like that.” Renjun reaches out, gently wiping away the new batch of tears sliding off his cheeks. Jaemin leans into his palms, greatly comforted by the affectionate gesture.

His breath is still labored, but he finally gets to say it. “I’m in love with Jeno.”

He expected a much larger reaction—a gasp or a shriek from him, but Renjun is _giggling_ and he is wondering why he’s laughing over his own friend’s misery. Before he can even ask with his already croaky voice, he replies, “We know. I thought you figured that out last year.”

“I’m—what?”

What does he mean by _last year_?

“I thought you were aware of how you and Jeno were all over each other the moment you came back.” Renjun sighs loudly, slightly disappointed. It makes Jaemin feel clueless, like he’s missing something here. “Don’t get me wrong, Jaemin-ah. But I thought you guys talked about it last year, or on your Busan date...whatever that was.”

“Huh?”

From what Jaemin can remember, their time in Busan was just one extravagant hangout they had to prepare for many people to watch. After all, they went there for filming for a variety show and he had most of his idol persona on, well except for the so-called proposal he pulled. But somehow, amidst the terrible weather that ruined their great plans for those two days, the time he spent with Jeno was something he’ll cherish forever.

“Talked about what?” He asks, still clueless.

“Jaemin-ah, _oh my god_.” After that, Renjun starts mumbling aggressively. Jaemin is too tired to try even understanding what he’s getting at.

“But are you serious? Not even a conversation about touchy stuff like feelings? You didn’t confess?”

“He just kept telling me how touched he was over that LED message I did, and that he—well, loves me.”

His vision is getting clearer now, thankfully. He hears Renjun curse so passionately, every syllable as sharp as a dagger, and Jaemin can’t help but wonder why he’s reacting like this. Is he missing something here?

Before he makes his head throb with all the questions, he yawns in the most unattractive way possible. As if it’s perfect timing, the door opens as well. Renjun was supposedly going to tell the person to knock before entering, but the head that pops out makes him curse again under his breath.

The person that shows up by the door makes Jaemin want to cover himself in his friend’s blankets, and hopefully disappear like some magician. He can’t let himself be seen crying or else sirens will come alive in this person’s brain, so he resorts to resting his head on Renjun’s lap.

“I was wondering if Jaemin’s here.” He hates how his brain is impairing his ears and making him hear things that are unreal, like how Jeno utters his name so softly.

“Yeah, we’re just having our emotional support talks.” Renjun responds coolly, petting his blond hair and making it look casual, ignoring how Jaemin’s cheeks feel hot on his thigh.

Silence stretches between the three of them. Judging by how Jeno isn’t responding, he can probably sense something is off. Jaemin hopes that that won’t be the case, hopes that just for once, his gut feeling will fail him. And amidst all of this mess, Renjun is exhausted and just wants them to stop being dumb and act on whatever obvious feelings are there between them.

Jeno nods slowly, sporting a small frown and a much bigger pout. “Oh okay. I’ll go. Thanks.”

Automatically, Jaemin’s brain tells him to not go. When he realizes what he wanted to shout, he gets the urge to crack a raw egg with his head, _hard_. Thankfully, that didn’t come out of his mouth. He hears the door slowly come to a close, and as soon as he hears the clicking sound, he sits up again.

The first thing he sees is Renjun’s face of disapproval, he knows it’s there even if he doesn’t see it clearly. So he deflates at the thought of getting a pep talk from him. But it’s inevitable; to love people and be kind to them is his default setting, but when it comes to romantic love, he’s a full-time dumbass. He can convince himself all he wants that he doesn’t need it, but he knows that he needs a verbal slap to the face.

So Renjun gives him exactly that, while pinching his cheek and daring him to keep eye contact with him. The nagging may have lasted for such a long time, but to him it felt like he wasted just five minutes. Maybe it’s because he spaced out again in the midst of being told to _man up_ and bare his heart because they’re grown men. Or maybe it’s because he spaced out at the thought of Jeno.

Ah, Jaemin isn’t so sure of anything anymore.

After mindlessly thanking him for such a long talk, Jaemin drags his feet out of Renjun’s room, preparing to go back to his own. The thought of sleeping his emotions away already crosses his mind, until he hears objects crashing against each other nearby. Of course, he chooses to go check out what’s going on.

He enters the kitchen, only to see Jeno struggling with the kitchenware he brought out, seemingly forgetting the presence of the two packs of spicy ramen.

Speaking of Jeno, he remembers Renjun suggesting him to hang out with him less to sort his emotions out in the midst of his nagging, but seeing him struggle on preparing to cook for ramen alone makes that hard to do. It just reminds Jaemin that a small yet loud part of him always wants to look after him in the ways he can too.

“Are you hungry?” He walks closer, their shoulders already brushing as he grabs the packs of ramen, ready to open them.

“Jaemin-ah, you don’t have to help me out.” Jeno doesn’t look at him as he answers, placing the pot full of water on top of the cooker. “Go to sleep, you look tired.”

“No.” Jaemin gently pries his hands away from all the kitchenware he brought out, failing to ignore the chills that go through his body from feeling their skins brush against each other. It reddens his ears; he hopes Jeno doesn’t notice. “Let me cook for you.”

“But you’ve already cooked last—,”

“ _Let me_ cook for you.”

Finally, Jeno doesn’t become stubborn and whine. He quietly complies, sitting at the edge of the counter while Jaemin readies everything. He knows better than to annoy his best friend even further, so he just anticipates the ramen he’ll be cooking.

Soon enough, the spicy aroma fills the kitchen air, making Jeno’s stomach growl louder. The ambience and domesticity of this entire setup is making him so drowsy that his thoughts are filled with just wanting to hug Jaemin close to him as he sleeps after his meal.

However, his daydreams are cut off once his ramen is served. He is surprised that it isn’t _just_ spicy ramen, there are spices and some garnish sprinkled on top of it. He didn’t notice Jaemin adding those as he was cooking, and he didn’t even ask him to take the ramen up a notch.

And yet, he did it anyway.

“Your ramen is served,” Jaemin chirps as he carefully nudges the bowl to him. “Thank me later.”

Jeno hesitates at first but he chooses to appease his hunger. “I’ll eat well.” With the chopsticks he got earlier, he starts digging in.

Jaemin temporarily leaves the kitchen as he starts slurping. He thought he’d go back to his room and sleep. Not that it’s a problem, he doesn’t mind; he has already cooked for him, that’s more than enough.

However, he comes back carrying one of his pillows, sitting next to Jeno while hugging it close to his body. He then rests his chin on the soft material, his eyes fluttering shut. In the midst of dozing off, he sees the exhaustion in Jaemin’s face that’s been covered by all the makeup.

Up close, he can see the chapped and pale lips, the circles beneath his eyes, and the pimples that surfaced out of lack of sleep. They are technically flaws he knows, but they don’t make Jaemin any less pretty than he already is. At this point, he isn’t sure if that is really coming from his usual train of thoughts or his feelings, but perhaps it comes from both.

What he’s sure of is that he can get used to seeing him like this, unattractive and flawed and human.

Seeing him like this, until they’re old and their skin gets saggy is a really nice idea.

He continues eating his ramen so quickly that he almost chokes on the noodles. If Jaemin were awake right now, he would tell him to slow down and take his time, but he isn’t. He has already fallen asleep, body leaning forward, his snores getting louder with each passing second.

And this may be polarizing to some, this side of him. Sure, he does look unattractive and not preppy, very far from the idol that the public usually sees, but it serves as a reminder that this side of him is what he has the privilege to see. This is the side of Jaemin that he grew to love from when they were thirteen.

To say that love comes easy for him when it involves Na Jaemin is an understatement. He will definitely be called a cheesy motherfucker for this by the rest of the members, but sometimes, it just feels like he’s bound to love him romantically at some point. And Jeno is too in love now to deny it. Perhaps it’s always been like this.

Jeno consumes the remaining soup, finishing his late night meal. He feels his lean stomach about to bulge out from what he ate, but he has no regrets. The spices Jaemin added made it more delicious than it already is, he should thank him for this.

But then he remembers that Jaemin is asleep, and Jeno swears with his shitty eyesight that he can see him about to drool on the pillow. Usually, he would have taken a few pictures of him like this and use it for various purposes in the near future, but this is the last thing on his mind right now. All he can feel now is worry, thinking that he needs more sleep.

He pokes his shoulder at first, but he only continues leaning forward. So he caresses the back of his head, but he still doesn’t budge. “Jaeminnie, let’s get to bed.” 

Rather than waking up, Jaemin starts to snore softly, his head falling on his shoulders instead. Jeno chuckles fondly, pushing strands of his dry hair away from his face. “Thanks for the meal, Jaeminnie.”

Jeno then doesn’t move until he feels Jaemin snuggling up against him, his hand holding his arm.

“You’ve finished eating already?” He watches Jaemin’s eyes flutter open as he grumbles, blinking the sleepiness away.

Jeno nods in response, tucking strands of hair behind his ears. He feels his ears getting hot when Jaemin leans into his touch, as if he’s going to make his palm his personal pillow. “That’s good.” His voice is still groggy, deeper than the usual tone he’s used to, making him blush.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

Jaemin hums in response, his voice effortlessly getting deeper. “But we have to wash the—,”

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“But I—,”

He stops talking the moment Jeno’s thumb caresses his cheek, and it feels anything but soft. It’s rather callused and rough thanks to all the years of training. No matter how rough they always seemed to be though, this is the same hand that always held him so gently.

Well, the thought of Jeno’s gentleness makes heat come up to Jaemin’s face. But he plays it off as nothing, and only feels his cheeks get really red when he is told that, “We can wash the dishes together tomorrow.”

_Together_. It’s always that word. It’s the word people usually use to describe Jeno and him ever since. It didn't have much of an impact since they get that a lot, but now that he harbors these feelings for him, the word holds an entirely different meaning now. And that different meaning scares him.

Didn’t he tell himself a while ago that he’ll stay away for a bit to sort these feelings out and get over it? How come he’s still here next to him letting himself be taken care of, and letting himself fall even more?

Of course, Jaemin is anything but dumb. He knows why he isn’t staying away. He doesn’t have to get hit in the head for him to acknowledge it. He knows he is being obvious. He knows that he can’t stand the idea of being far away from Jeno anymore.

“Okay.”

After leaving the dishes on the sink, Jaemin walks back to his room first, where a still awake Jisung is still lying on his bed. He is too sleepy to nag him and shoo him away with his pillow at this point, so he gets out, bumping into Jeno.

Immediately, he feels his hands place itself on his waist again, their bodies getting so close that it fully wakes him. Jaemin just stares at him wide eyed, holding his pillow tighter.

“Is he on your bed again?”

Jaemin meekly nods at his question. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask any further questions as they go to his room instead, where Chenle is already sleeping like a log, his orange locks sprawled all over his pillow. They enter the room silently, carrying the weight in their feet to not disrupt his peaceful slumber. Upon getting closer, he sees Jeno’s bed happens to only be meant for one person.

“The bed’s only for one person.” Jaemin murmurs. It’s just him making an excuse because this is his first time being the one sleeping on his bed.

Jeno lies on his back comfortably, gesturing to him to lie with him too. He stays where he is, deciding to go back to his own room, but he gets pulled down by the hand. Now, the side of Jaemin’s face is resting on his chest, his cheek resting at the area where his heart’s beating so strongly.

He is supposed to feel his heartbeat quickening, but his brain goes haywire over the closeness. He is too flustered to move a muscle. Jeno on the other hand doesn’t appear to mind—at least he doesn’t seem to be aware of Jaemin’s heart about to combust out of his body, that’s a good thing.

But little does Jaemin know that he has still worn his heart on his sleeve this whole time. However, Jeno doesn’t notice it at all, too sleepy to register anything.

Before he enters dreamland, Jeno leaves a kiss on the crown of Jaemin’s head.

In the midst of their sleep, Jaemin lets his pillow fall to the floor, hugging Jeno instead.

∞

**4**

When will he stop telling himself that there will be a _next time_? How far is he going to drag this? When will he be able to tell him what he feels?

Jeno doesn’t know, but he is being serious when he says that he wants to tell him that he has been in love with him for who knows how long. He wants to tell him that he’s the one he looks forward to seeing the most every day, that he’s the one he thinks about before he sleeps at night, and that he is his _better_ half. He wants to tell Jaemin that he is a constant in his life, and he wants to keep it that way until they’re old.

Oh, these are such pretty sentences to use for a confession, and he is really _trying_ his best to let these slip past his lips. But wow, confessions really aren’t a walk in the park. It isn’t as easy he thought it’d be, and as cool as the ones in dramas and movies, especially for someone like him who struggles with expressing his feelings verbally.

God, he hopes that he doesn’t end the year without telling him everything he’s been holding in.

However, he shouldn’t be filling his mind with these kinds of things. He should be worrying about tomorrow’s practice, for their first concert. The last thing he should be prioritizing is...this childish dilemma, but of course, he vividly remembers Donghyuck’s words.

_“You’re a human before your job description. Just feel that, and know that I’m one message away if you need to vent, okay?”_

That was a little over a month ago, when they were in Indonesia and having fun at the beach by the hotel they were staying in that sunny morning. He remembers that the one who started the conversation was Donghyuck, who was busy sipping his coconut juice next to him, because he noticed how he had been staring at Jaemin with such fondness even if he was just staring at the ocean.

Jeno always thought that he was doing a good job in concealing the feelings he harbours for his best friend, until Donghyuck opened his mouth at that moment and asked him why he was looking at him _like that_. Knowing that there was no point in hiding anything because he’d always find a way for him to spill the beans, he told him.

Ever since that day, Jeno told himself not to stare at him for too long. Well, at least he _tries_ to. That proves to be easier said than done, now that they’re in a place where anyone can recognize them. Just for tonight, they don’t wear masks to conceal their identities—it’s not like they have anything to hide with their bicycles, but it is in this moment that he realizes the importance of being low-key.

The spiciness of the ramen they are eating doesn’t hurt his tongue, but he can feel the spice intensifying his blush just from watching Jaemin eat heartily across from him. He still has his helmet on, the one Jeno bought as a birthday gift, and it makes his face look smaller than usual. His soft cheeks are puffing out as he chews in silence, his doll-like eyes focused elsewhere.

As of right now, Jaemin looks like some average twenty-year old that’s biking around, and not an idol. He doesn’t even _act_ like one, with how he’s sipping the soup off the ramen so messily that it’s starting to stain his black shirt. Gosh, Jeno can’t believe he is about to nag him to eat properly when he should be finishing his noodles.

But can he be blamed, though? Jaemin is just so, so _beautiful_ but can he for once be self—

“Do I have something on my face?”

Hearing Jaemin’s voice saves him from fully spacing out, instantly straightening his already terrible posture. He fixes his grip on his chopsticks too, whilst his eyes are on Jaemin’s chin, now stained with the soup. He replies with a nod, getting tissues from the box provided on their table, handing it over to him without saying a word.

He proceeds to fill his mouth with noodles. He notices that the food is not as hot as it was three minutes ago.

“Thanks, Jeno!” Jaemin giggles as he wipes the areas near his mouth then crumples the tissue with his hand, placing it next to the bottle of cola he already finished. “I’m really looking forward to taking your pictures later.”

After that, a wink is sent his way, which unsurprisingly flares his cheeks up even more. Jeno doesn’t respond to that, managing his emotions by downing the cola and finishing his ramen. He can’t tell if Jaemin caught on to how flustered he was, but he hears him chuckling with his deep voice and it’s awakening the butterflies in his stomach.

Eating while the butterflies are flapping their wings inside him is a very uncomfortable experience, he realizes as he swallows the soup. But he catches Jaemin propping his elbow on the table, his cheek resting on his palm, smiling at him so widely and looking so _dreamy_ doing it. It makes Jeno smile back at him too, unconsciously tilting his head to the side as he does so.

They leave the convenience store shortly after that, immediately pedalling their way through the very busy streets of Seoul. While they’re on their bikes, Jaemin is listening to his music with his earphones and Jeno is busy admiring the city. The lack of conversation between them doesn’t make anything uncomfortable.

Just knowing that they’re together in the same place is enough.

He doesn’t know for how long they have been biking around, but he knows that they need to slow down when Jaemin pedals faster than him, overtaking him and placing his feet on the concrete, in the most ungraceful way possible. Jeno laughs really hard, watching him almost fall to the side when he gets his feet off his bike’s pedals.

Amidst the laughter though, Jeno reminds him to, “Be careful!” He then halts his bike right beside him, his eyes trying to watch out for signs if Jaemin got hurt. Thankfully, there is none.

“ _Wait_ , Jeno can you pose there with our bikes?” Jaemin starts to walk far away from him, speaking to him in the most animated way possible with his large hand gestures and his eyes sparkling in amazement.

“Huh?”

“Okay, stay still! Let me prepare my camera.”

From how he sounds like he’s hurrying up, anyone would think that he’d get his camera out of his bag quick. But he is Na Jaemin; this boy always takes him time without even knowing it. Regardless, Jeno doesn’t complain and stays rooted to where he’s standing, and waits.

While perfectly staying still, he can’t take his eyes off of how Jaemin is puffing his cheeks again while setting up the camera lens, and how he’s so focused on making sure it doesn’t break while setting it up. It’s an adorable sight, and unconsciously Jeno finds himself staring at him again. His pupils dilate while his eyelashes flutter, fiddling with his fingers and continuing to gaze at him like he hung all the stars in the night sky.

Honestly he still has no idea what Donghyuck means by _like that_ , but noting how serious he looks every time he talks about it, it must mean something good and obvious and alarming.

After what seemed to be forever—he’s overreacting, five minutes just passed—Jaemin exclaims like an old man, pointing his gigantic lens at Jeno. He shuts one of his eyes tightly as he carefully holds his camera, getting the focus right before shouting, “Okay, for real now. Stay still!”

In between all the clicks and flashes that come from his camera, Jaemin watches best friend getting prettier with every shot. There are times when he puts his camera down to give him time to change his poses, or to let Jeno give him suggestions on how he should be taking the pictures. Usually, he does this with the fans in mind; he is aware of them looking forward to the pictures he takes and he makes sure that what he shares after editing is the best among the rest.

However, for tonight, Jaemin feels like keeping these shots all to himself.

More clicks and flashes breach the place’s soothing silence, and they stop when Jeno starts to remind him about how they have to return to their dorm soon. “It’s getting pretty late.”

With his free hand, Jaemin waves him off with a huff, assuring him that, “We can just bike our way back.”

“That is, if you don’t get tired easily.”

Jaemin was about to protest, to prove to him that he can pedal fast, but the words die before he can let it out. Jeno gently places his hand at the top of his head, gently patting the helmet. “Or maybe you wanna stay outside a little more?”

_Maybe_ , he thinks as he feels his legs starting to ache from exhaustion. He subtly stretches them out, pressing the heel of his right foot against the ground first, and then doing the same for his left foot. _Maybe_ , the word continues to ring in his head, sounding like a promise to better things tonight.

“Manager hyung might scold us, Jen.” Jaemin turns to the time shown in his phone. It’s already eleven.

It is very out of character for the current Jeno to suggest these kinds of things. Not that he doesn’t do it anymore, but whenever he suggests something like this, it still shocks him. The last time he was the most rebellious was when they were still trainees, and that involved buying ice cream without asking for staffs’ permission.

“But it’s not like we’ve been scolded before, right? Well, what do you think?”

He blinks his eyes, stunned at the way Jeno is smiling. He looks like he’s down for going back late tonight.

And whenever he smiles like that it makes his knees buckle. It makes Jaemin weak, makes him speak before he thinks. “Okay, let’s go.”

Without having a clear destination in mind, their hands are on the handlebars and their feet are on the pedals again. In his earphones, he is listening to some of his favorite calm songs as he follows Jeno’s lead, riding their bikes under the bright lamp posts and the starless night sky. He isn’t sure about where they’ll take a stop again, but the amount of people decrease with each road they go through.

Not that he has a problem with it. He knows that he’ll always follow wherever Jeno plans to go.

As he starts to lose track of time, Jaemin eventually catches up to his speed. They’re now biking side by side, the chilly autumn breeze hitting their faces. Feeling the wind making him shiver, he lets go of one of the handlebars for a bit, rubbing his arm to provide himself warmth.

Like it’s second nature, he turns to Jeno and catches him smiling. His eyes are barely seen but they’re twinkling, _all for him to see_ , and Jaemin feels his heart drop to his stomach.

It will be a while before he can say it out loud, but it’s in these minutes that he spends with Jeno that he feels the most comfortable and safe. When they’re alone, it does feel like Jaemin has him all to himself, and that makes him really happy.

To make things even better, his earphones start playing one of his favorite songs. In particular, the song that is playing right now always brings up memories of them, from the very moment they met up to the present.

Perhaps Jaemin is going to lose balance and fall off his bicycle right now. His mind is filled with Jeno’s smile and kind words and gentle touches and every other good thing about him. The song reaches the peak of its build-up, and even if Jaemin has both hands on each handlebar of his bike now, he is beginning to lose his near perfect sense of balance. He can’t help but turn to Jeno again, whose eyes hold a different type of shine in it.

_I love you_ , Billie Eilish starts singing wistfully to his ears. He isn’t sure of what he did, but he saw Jeno’s smile fall so slowly. He then realizes after that that maybe he must have told him those words.

_Maybe,_ maybe that reaction is already an answer that doesn’t need to be repeated.

With that assumption, Jaemin literally falls to his left side, groaning in pain when his skin comes in contact with the concrete. As if it isn’t already bad enough, his bag that has his camera in it hits his middle, _hard_. He winces upon knocking his protected head against the ground, and grunts when he starts to feel his head spinning.

See, if anyone had to ask him how falling for Jeno was like, he’d say that it’s something quite similar to this, but worse. Frankly, the pain that’s washing over his limbs doesn’t compare to the nauseating sensation in his gut when Jaemin realized he was in love with him, metaphorically.

Billie continues singing in his earphones when Jeno leaves his expensive bike lying on the ground, rushing to him. Jaemin still doesn’t do anything to get his feet off the pedals, stuck on reflecting about his feelings. His already wide eyes get bigger and watery with each minute, his own heart throbbing.

He couldn’t take in his surroundings, couldn’t even make out what Jeno was saying. All he can take note of is his rough hands carefully helping his legs out of his bike, and removing his body bag. It’s ironic that amidst this small accident, his earphones managed to cling onto his ears. Perhaps the song is set on ripping his heart out.

Jaemin slowly returns to reality when the helmet is no longer attached to his head. He slightly looks up only to see Jeno look so concerned that his heart throbs even more upon knowing why he acts like this.

The silence is absolutely deafening, makes his heart beat louder in his ears, but amidst everything that is going on Jaemin says it...again.

“I love you.” _Shit,_ he isn’t sure if this is the best way to confess. His parents did tell him that if he liked— _loved_ someone even, he should go for it. Renjun tells him to just talk about it with the person he likes, and be in touch with what he feels, like the grownups they should be. Despite this very lousy way of confessing, he hopes that he is doing it right, and hopes that Jeno sees the sincerity with those words alone.

“I know,” Jeno replies lamely, making him sit properly whilst checking his arms if there’s any incoming bruise or if there’s a wound. He isn’t paying attention to what he’s trying to imply with the words. “I know, Jaemin-ah.”

_Not like that_ , he wanted to say. Not in the way they have loved each other for the past seven years. He didn’t want him to get it wrong; he wanted him to know that he now loves him as someone more than what they are to each other. But well he’s the only one falling in love alone, so he doesn’t push it.

He settles on keeping his mouth shut while Jeno continues being a worrywart, touching him like he’s something that could break with the slightest pressure. Hoping that he listens the second time, Jaemin tells him again. “I love you, Jeno-yah.”

Desperate for a sign that this confession will end in a good note, he checks if there is any change in his facial expression. But he sees nothing good, just a blank stare. _It’s going nowhere_ , he realizes.

He should stop hoping.

Greatly hurt, the corners around Jaemin’s eyes start to sting, and his vision gradually blurs. Out of impulse, but more out of fear that this confession will change things between them for the worst, Jaemin murmurs a breathy, “Jeno, I’m sorry.”

The silence that continues after his quick apology terrifies him so much that it makes his eyes water. He refuses to look at Jeno from there, blinking away the evidence of his pain and holding it in.

Looking back, he is now regretting that he said yes. If he didn’t, they could have gone home earlier and he wouldn’t look so stupid and childish for crying over getting rejected. But can he be blamed? Not only does he lose his chance of seeing them become something more. The possibility of losing his best friend is there too.

So he takes everything back. “Uh, that was a joke, so don’t take it seriously, okay? That was a really bad joke, so let’s act like nothing happened here.”

Jaemin’s eyes get heavier when he can feel Jeno’s hard gaze on his face. Is he getting angry? He can’t tell. All he wants now is his forgetfulness to make his brain reset this evening.

What he doesn’t know is that on the other hand, Jeno is experiencing pain on full blast because of him. It may not show in his almost monotonous face, but he is really hurt. _Hurt_ is an understatement, actually. It’s like his feelings are being fucked with, and he hates it. Still, his hands fish for something in the pockets of his pants. 

_What is it, really?_ He wanted to ask, but he’s too frustrated to even utter a word. As much as he wants to get mad at Jaemin, he just can’t seem to. He can’t deny that he looks as hurt and frustrated as him, and the last thing Jeno would want to do now is shout at him.

Does he really take it back? Is this a joke?

“Jeno-yah, please say something.”

“Don’t play around like that.” Jeno starts, worried if his tone has anger, spite, and any ugly emotion laced in it. But what he’s not aware of is that it’s rather gentle and vulnerable and comforting. Jaemin can’t help but ask himself if this is what Jisung often means by how delicate he is around him? “You’re breaking my heart by brushing it off, and that’s not something you’d do. So tell me, honestly.”

Jeno knows him and trusts him too much that he wouldn’t play with feelings like that, most especially his. He knows that the last thing Jaemin would do is raise his hopes and mash his best friend’s heart...right?

“What?” Jaemin asks dumbly, eyes still glassy.

“Did you mean it?” Jeno finally gets his cute band aids from his pocket, removing the seals attached to it, and placing it around his wounded finger.

The silence in their surroundings is louder than their hearts. The simple brush of the wind seems to be the answer to Jeno’s question. Jaemin stares at him bandaging his finger, which he never noticed got a gash. The simple gesture makes his heart ache even more.

Jeno notices the wind getting colder, and even if his frustration is building up with the lack of a response, he still gets worried when he notices Jaemin shivering a little.

_Maybe_ he can ask him later. Maybe he will get a proper answer when they go back to their dorm. After all, being outside will just grab unnecessary attention.

“Let’s just—,”

“It wasn’t a joke.” Jaemin cuts him off, finally looking him in the eyes ever since he told him what he felt. “I love you, a lot.”

He was supposed to get up from the ground and help him up, but Jaemin is holding on to his wrist tightly, he feels like it will end up aching when he lets go. Jeno gulps the lump down his throat; how does he make situations like this easier for the both of them? He isn’t the only one trying to sink everything in here.

“Are you sure about that?” Jeno finds himself doubting him for the first time. “You mean it?”

“I love you, you idiot.” The tears finally fall from Jaemin’s eyes. “I love you a lot.”

Jeno sighs at how their dumb asses are handling this situation. If any of their friends were here, they would’ve probably cussed him out for making Jaemin cry. Renjun would definitely cuss the most, nagging them to stop beating around the bush while laying their feelings out to one another.

But that aside, he feels the tears coming at the fact that Jaemin just admitted that he loves him in that way. Jeno feels his mouth getting dry. “I love you too, Jaeminnie.”

From there, Lee Jeno swears to the heavens that he has definitely seen Na Jaemin at his prettiest, with his smile so wide that his cheeks look rounder than usual, and his bloodshot eyes twinkling brighter than the stars in the night sky. He is already crying harder than he was a minute ago, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still pretty.

“Are you sure about that?” Jaemin throws the question back at him with a whimper, hitting Jeno with his closed fists weakly.

“Always,” Jeno answers in a heartbeat.

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

Jaemin was about to retort, he was ready to yell at him. But he purses his lips when they make eye contact, and Jeno is smiling at him with his teary eyes. Of course this makes him wail immediately, jumping into his embrace and crying messily on his shoulder. It got so bad that his shoulders were trembling and he found it hard to breathe.

Their bicycles were long forgotten as Jeno made himself comfortable sitting on the ground, hugging him close to his body. He finds it cute when Jaemin makes himself smaller in his hold, and his loud sobs become sniffles as he hugs him just as tight.

Jeno wishes this cute yet dumb moment can last longer, but he knows better than staying out here like this. Not when there are masked people with cameras trying to get a sneak peek of their private lives, and there are so-called fans crossing the line. Starting to feel paranoid, he gets up from the ground while lifting Jaemin up by his sides, telling him they have to go back.

And Jaemin understands what makes him want to leave quickly by a look into his eyes. Even if he still isn’t done crying he nods, and puts back his helmet on and wears his bag again while sniffling. Like nothing major happened, they go to their bikes. They’re probably going to have some fixing to do if they plan to do this again soon, but whatever. What matters is they leave now.

They have a lot of nights to spend cycling around anyways.

Thankfully, they managed to get home before rain started to pour, and without catching anyone creepy. They only heard the downpour once they were inside the complex, but he got more surprised at Jaemin yelping from the sound of thunder. They don’t like the rain, yes, but Jeno especially _despises_ it. He hates how it gets him drenched from head to toe when it’s strong and worse, it triggers his nasal allergies.

But he can’t deny that there’s something romantic about the rain, and he’d want to be drenched by it with Jaemin someday.

Once they entered their dorm carrying their bicycles, greeted by Jisung’s loud voice filling the entire space, they were also greeted by an eyebrow raise from Renjun in the living room. “Where have you two been?”

Telling from his pajamas and the bags under his eyes, he has already been here for a while from the radio station and he couldn’t sleep. “Where have you two been?” He repeats.

Jaemin turns to Jeno because he’s better at talking and therefore, better at making excuses. He doesn’t utter a word though.

Renjun yawns, covering his hand with his mouth. “Just so you know, it’s already eleven in the evening. Both of you don’t come back later than ten.”

Jeno knows he’s usually good at making excuses but this time he tries to avoid his eyes, his cheeks turning pink when Jaemin moves a little closer to him, both of their arms touching now. Well, it’s not like they can shamelessly tell Renjun that they confessed their feelings to each other somewhere in Seoul while Jisung is within their dorm and has a proper sense of hearing, right?

“Um, well.” Jeno tries to smile to ease the situation, but to no avail.

Renjun seems to get it. His eyes narrowed into slits, making him look less threatening and more pitiful with tiredness written all over his face. He scoffs; this reaction doesn’t surprise the two at all.

“Oh my _god_ , you’re together now.” Renjun puts a hand over this mouth, feigning horror and disgust as he looks at them. “Right? The both of you confessed to each other somewhere in Seoul, being sappy and all.”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders. “Well, I fell off my bike, and I blurted out that I love him.”

“And then he took it back and I got really hurt.” Jeno rolls his eyes.

“But at least I became honest and told him I loved him. Renjun, _I did it_!”

All that they receive is a blank stare. “So you spent most of the night with the confession?”

Renjun thinks that he’s going to vomit when the two talk at the same time, exclaiming, “It’s not like that!”

He swears to god that he feels his blood pressure rising thanks to them. His expression screams: _can they get any more disgusting?_ But even before he has an earful of a more detailed retelling of their confession, Renjun scolds Jeno and Jaemin, which silences them.

Then they were calmly told by Renjun to sleep early, which was shocking compared to his distressed shouting before that. This makes Jeno remember that they have practice tomorrow, but the usual anxiousness that comes with thinking of it is replaced with excitement. Perhaps this is what really happens when you’re in love, he thinks as he goes back to his room and puts their bikes in place.

Meanwhile, the first thing Jaemin does upon entering his room is jump onto his bunk. He lightly bounces off of it countless times, like a bunny. He is screeching so loudly and it’s starting to scare Jisung, especially since he’s paying no mind to his desktops and laptops that are starting to move from the intensity of his movements, and there are small squeaks coming from his mattress.

The giddiness remains for the both of them, even as they took quick showers and wore comfortable clothes to sleep in. It’s funny, since they should’ve been tired from all the pedalling and uphill slopes they’ve managed to go through, but they’re completely restless tonight.

Surprisingly, they don’t do what they usually do to get themselves sleepy. Jeno isn’t playing any games; instead he’s at his room, staring at the ceiling with his earphones plugged, and doubting everything that happened outside was real.

It still feels like a lucid dream, but the smell of oil fills his room and that’s enough proof to know that it isn’t something he made up. At the back of his mind, he wonders if Jaemin is still awake at this hour.

And yes, yes he is. Jaemin now has a pillow covering his face, recharging in silence after screaming and jumping so much. Now that he is finally staying still and reflecting, he is thinking of the dramas his mom watched. They’re starting to make sense to him; being in love and being open about it to the one who you love, and knowing you’re loved the same way is something else.

It’s fleeting and surreal and it’s amazing, willingly baring his heart to the one he loves without an ounce of shame and fear. It’s a feeling he wouldn’t trade for anything else. It’s a feeling he wants to feel with just Jeno.

He can’t help but ask himself if this feeling’s ever going to end. A part of him wants to send a message to their chat room now, telling them that he and Jeno are together now. The most extreme part of him wants to scream to the world that he is in love and he is loved by the love of his life, and that he is the happiest twenty-year old in the world right now. But the realistic part of him just wants to sleep next to him tonight, feel his head resting on his chest and hug him close.

Eventually Jaemin tosses the pillow away. He then hears a loud sigh along with a “thank god” from the upper bunk. He frowns and pouts at Jisung’s reaction while sitting up and hence, his mind travels to another matter.

_Right_ , he realizes with widened eyes.

Deciding to take the matter into his own hands, Jaemin gets off his bunk and out of his room too, cutely stomping his way to the door of Jeno’s room. He doesn’t bother to knock once he’s in front of it, just twists the knob and pushes it open.

He is greeted by a preoccupied Jeno scrolling through his phone, his glasses slowly sliding down his nose bridge. Unfazed by the sudden barging, he turns his eyes away from the gadget, beaming at him. He seems to be sparkling, Jaemin thinks. “Yeah?”

Jaemin stammers, all his determination and confidence from a minute ago now gone, lightly closing the door behind him. “We kind of missed something.” 

“Oh, what is it?” Jeno gets up from his bed and approaches him, immediately holding his waist.

Jaemin finds it hard to speak, now wanting to break a raw egg with his head over how he is acting so shy and embarrassing towards Jeno, _out of all people_. He wishes he got his act together before coming here.

But Jeno is literally glowing and encouraging him to speak with a few nods, and he feels his heart drop to his stomach again.

“Shouldn’t we have kissed? I don’t know, I mean, I do like kissing people’s cheeks and being kissed, but back in my room I felt that our confession was missing something. And then I remembered that we _have_ to kiss and then...”

He starts to live up to his position as one of their group’s main rappers when he rambles at a rapid speed, his hand gestures getting livelier with each syllable and his lips slowly forming into a pout as he repeats his point. This is nothing new among them—in fact, there are times when the others let him go on for the laughs. Jeno doesn’t have the heart to silence him with a kiss yet though, too endeared by the sight.

Jeno sighs; he does love him.

Jaemin starts getting self-conscious after a while, unable to ignore how Jeno has been smiling at him since he started rambling. He then presses his lips in a thin line, and lets his arms fall to his sides, embarrassed.

“Sorry about that,” He murmurs, proceeding to rub the back of his neck. “What I’m saying is, we need to kiss.”

“We should kiss. We really should.” Jeno ignores his apology, his smile never faltering as he cups his cheeks.

He doesn’t really know how he should refer to him now. _Best friend?_ It’s just not the perfect fit anymore. _Boyfriend?_ Sounds nice, but it doesn’t really fit how he views Jaemin. Well, he can figure that out soon. They have a lot of time to do so.

“Uh, I’m bad at this.” Jaemin’s cheeks get squished even more in his hold.

“You’re not the only one.” Jeno reassures him, grazing the soft skin with his thumb. “We’ll learn together, don’t worry.”

_Together_. The word has a new and much greater meaning to the both of them now. It’s comforting to hear, as if it’s a lifelong promise. Jaemin slowly closes his eyes, anticipating his lips on his. “Okay.”

Just like in the romance movies they have both seen in televisions and in Donghyuck’s Netflix account, Jeno and Jaemin finally share their first kiss. It is expected that first kisses are awkward and just all over the place, but it doesn’t become like that for the both of them.

Their first kiss is romantic and natural and loving, just how Jeno wanted it to be.

Jaemin is the first one to pull away, completely breathless from the way he moves his lips against his. It leaves him dazed, staring dumbly at Jeno for a few seconds before grinning at him, circling his arms around his neck and closing the distance for another kiss. They still continue kissing even as they end up on the bed, giggling and pulling each other closer, if that’s even possible.

And after many shared kisses, they both enter dreamland in each other’s embrace, Jeno being lulled to sleep by the sound of Jaemin’s heartbeat.

∞

**5**

Finally, a taste of something that doesn’t involve blurry days and nights of practices, that doesn’t involve being strict towards himself if he slips just a little bit, something that doesn’t involve weekly and monthly evaluations.

If anyone were to ask Jeno how he feels about this, he’d tell them he had no idea that he’d be at a performing arts high school—let alone one of the top schools in Seoul. Years ago, he was focusing on Mathematics and English over the other subjects because he hated them, he ranked high in class standings, and he was supposed to be in a science high school.

But now he’s here pursuing something related to arts, and the company is kind enough to let them have lives as average students. _Finally_ , it’s his first day of school.

Just from his smile, anyone can tell that the happiness he’s feeling is immeasurable. He’s definitely more excited about this than Donghyuck, who has been expressive and energetic about this since they finalized their enrollment. It shows in his well-ironed uniform, in how he really made sure to make himself look good to leave an amazing first impression on the people they’ll meet.

That is, if anyone’s brave enough to approach him and start small talk.

That worry doesn’t really get to Jeno. But he can already see and hear Donghyuck getting stressed about it while they’re in the van on the way to school, worrying if he looks and smells good enough, and ranting about how he’ll be a handful to his classmates as the year progresses. Mark is always there to assure them though, reminding them that they aren’t idols _yet_ and that they will be fine. “You’ll all definitely gain friends!” He adds coolly, nudging his arm with his elbow. “Right, Jeno?”

Knowing that Mark is, most of the time not wrong, he nods his head. “Definitely.”

After that, the uneasiness in the van goes away, and he is back to hearing countless banters. From time to time, he gets included, and tries to push on both of Mark’s and Donghyuck’s buttons for fun.

Later on though, as they’re nearing school, Jeno begins noticing the lack of noise from Jaemin. He doesn’t look like he’s out of it though, smiling whenever the other two are being funny, but the silence makes it seem like he was never in the van. He wants to ask him if he is okay and if there’s anything bothering him, but he’s afraid he’ll get mad so he leaves him be.

The first day jitters inevitably get to Jeno, when they get out of the van and proceed to the school’s entrance. Just the sight of new faces wearing the exact same uniforms as them is starting to make him shy. Now, he isn’t sure if he’d go back to the company having made friends at the end of today.

Like baby chicks, they continue to follow Mark’s lead even as they’re going through the hallways, not noticing how Jaemin is reaching for his hand. Jeno is just so mesmerized by everything around him, at the fact that he is in School of Performing Arts Seoul, and not in SM Entertainment’s building. It all feels too unreal.

Unfortunately, they had to separate from Mark, who was already a year higher than them. Of course, he doesn’t just leave them with a simple wave of a hand. “We have our phones. Call me if anything happens, ‘kay?” He tells them this with a smile that is easy to rely on.

And after that, the three of them were on their own. They’re aware that for the freshmen it’s orientation day, so they have to go to their respective classrooms.

“Is my classroom next to yours?” Donghyuck asks, staring at the section numbers by the doors dumbly. Jeno was about to answer his question, but he ended up answering himself instead. “Ah, I just remembered. It’s not. _Ah,_ what a shame.”

“You won’t have to worry. You’re good at making friends.” Jeno replies coolly, his eyes on the clear skies outside as the three of them stop right in front of his classroom’s door.

_Their_ classroom, he corrects himself. He’s classmates with Jaemin, thankfully.

“No, _you_ won’t have to worry, because you and Jaemin are classmates!” Donghyuck counters in a whiny tone, pouting at the both of them. “Gosh, you guys are always stuck together. I’m jealous.”

Jeno laughs upon seeing Donghyuck get frustrated that they aren’t classmates, but he can’t shake off the bothersome thought at the back of his mind that Jaemin is still so quiet. He quickly turns to him, and he’s just smiling.

Wasn’t Jaemin the _most_ excited among the three of them?

“See you later, kids. Call me if you’re bored or you want a friend,” Donghyuck ends with a chortle, and he starts to walk away from them, proceeding to his classroom. Now, it’s just Jaemin and him.

Without any initiated conversation, they both enter the classroom. The initial shyness comes at full force, pink starting to tint Jeno’s cheeks as he politely greets “good morning” to everyone present, eyes immediately searching for empty seats. He spots two chairs by the windows showing the hallway.

He turns to Jaemin, who’s putting up a poker face, then gently holds his hand to bring them to the two empty chairs.

For most of the day so far, they stay together, as always. Jeno gets approached by their new classmates, he engages in conversations with them, and much to his relief they aren’t bothered by the fact that they are SM trainees. _First day is turning out better than expected_ , he can’t help but think as one of his classmates tells a joke, and he laughs along with the rest.

The day is going so fast, that he doesn’t register that it’s already afternoon and he is in the auditorium until thirty minutes later, and he is seated next to Jaemin. They’re both holding lyric sheets now; he forgets what they are supposed to be here for.

“Are you still there?” His ears perk up from hearing his voice, and he faces Jaemin, who has finally smiled wide for the first time today. He didn’t see him smile like that when they were still talking to their classmates earlier. But he’s relieved to see his cheeks looking softer, to see him _look_ happy.

Jeno doesn’t notice himself smiling back, nodding his head cutely. “Of course I am!”

His smile stays even as he sees the tension slowly lifting off of Jaemin’s shoulders. These kinds of moments remind him of the weekly and monthly evaluations, when they’d be by each other’s side as they wait for their turn.

Time goes at its fastest when he and Jaemin start talking again. Suddenly it feels like they aren’t in school but at the company instead, except that they aren’t drenched in sweat after hours of dancing and they don’t sound croaky from all the hours dedicated to developing their voices.

The atmosphere they share gives him relief, Jeno thinks. The fact that they have been familiar with each other for three years plays a part in that. They’re so comfortable around each other that the feeling is close to home.

“You made many friends today,” Jaemin comments as he finally relaxes on his seat, leaning back a little. “Lee Jeno is a charmer indeed.”

“Shut up,” Jeno giggles, still not used to getting complimented by Jaemin all the time, feeling the tips of his ears getting red at his compliment.

“You’re their friends too! We’ve been together the whole time, so _we_ are their friends, okay? Don’t leave yourself out.” Jeno means it from the bottom of his heart whenever he tells him that. 

He just hopes that he knows. “Okay, okay.” Jaemin bobs his head, his cheeks getting fuller again when he smiles. They don’t talk much after that, since the teacher by the stage already called for their attention.

Later in the activity, they were all told that they will practice a song, and the lyrics are in the papers they are holding. Jeno looks at the familiar lyrics written with wide and curious eyes. He doesn’t notice that the way he looks makes Jaemin stare at him for a while, adoration in his eyes.

After being taught on the familiar song, they start taking the activity seriously, with Jeno’s eyes focused on his lyric sheet only. He diligently starts to sing whenever they’re told to, being mindful of his tone and pitch. Unconsciously, his hand ends up on Jaemin’s thigh, patting it to the rhythm of the piano. Their shoulders start brushing up against each other too, and a smile slowly makes its way to his face when he feels Jaemin’s palm on top of his hand.

This makes him turn to Jaemin, whose head is downcast. He can hear him sniffle while going over the song and he immediately gets worried, asking him, “Jaeminnie, what’s wrong?”

Jeno watches him temporarily cover his face with the lyric sheet as he sits straight, quickly wiping away what seems to be tears with the back of his free hand. He watches him laugh it off, unable to come up with a proper answer to his question. He doesn’t force Jaemin to answer though, just continues patting his thigh as a gesture of comfort.

“Okay, altogether. Sing this lyric to the person next to you.” The teacher utters through the microphone.

Jaemin tries his best to sing along, but the tears he’s suppressing are choking him up. He conceals how overwhelmed he is by swallowing down the sobs about to come out, but it doesn’t work, because the corners of his eyes are starting to sting. He can hear a lot of camera flashes and strangers present might end up doing guessing games on why he’s like this.

All the other stupid worries begin to pile up so quickly, until his eyelashes start getting wet. But they all go away faster when Jaemin feels the warmth of Jeno’s palm surrounding his hand, filling the spaces with his fingers. Jeno lightly bumps his shoulder against his too. He doesn’t really know if that gesture implies that he’s being comforted or teased, but he’d take that over not being paid attention.

“ _You’re born to be loved,_ ” Jeno begins to sing with the other students, and he tries to sing along too. He looks up from his lap, only for his face to be the first thing he sees, singing the lyrics to him.

Jaemin suddenly loses his voice. Even as he’s smiling back at him, his lips are trembling. Now Jeno is patting his thigh to the rhythm of the song, and he finds comfort in it. It urges him to just cry his jitters away.

Jeno spares another glance at him, singing, “ _And you’re receiving that love through your life._ ”

“Thank you,” Jaemin mouths, letting the tears fall on its own, wiping the wetness off his eyelids and eyelashes. He expected a “don’t cry” or anything amongst the lines that implies that he should stop crying, but he gets more thigh pats, his trademark smile that has his moon crescent eyes, and a reply that makes his first day jitters go away in an instant.

“I’m here.”

He doesn’t want to look more of a wimp, but Jaemin lets out a whimper while properly holding his copy of the lyric sheet. He starts to sing the rest of the lyrics—well, he _tries_ to along with the others while sniffling, which makes Jeno sigh in relief.

From there, the rest of the first day goes smoothly for Jaemin. He is finally coming out of his shell, talking to the rest of his classmates without Jeno needing to speak in his place. Of course, he has seen the kinds of looks many of his schoolmates gave him, and as much as he appreciates being admired for his face they’re making him more bashful than he already is.

_It’s like elementary and middle school all over again_ , he can’t help but huff when he recalls the many times his schoolmates thought he held crushes on people who liked him back then. Perhaps that will repeat itself later—or maybe it has already started, since he can feel a classmate stare at the side of his face.

But other than that, it doesn’t change the fact that he loves interacting with people, and that made today fun. He had Jeno, always attentive and caring by his side, which made the experience even better. He finally felt like average Na Jaemin again, which is what his mom and his grandmother would want for him.

“So how was today for all of you?”

Mark asks once they’re at the sidewalks, on the way to the company for more hours of training. He isn’t heard much thanks to the mask he is wearing and the cars passing by, but Donghyuck hears him pretty well, even if he’s many steps ahead of them. “It was fun! There were so many activities to get to know each other though.”

And then he imitates himself from earlier, introducing himself countless times with the same stance and tone and expression. The blank stare and relatability of it makes all of them laugh so hard that they have to stop walking in the midst of his jokes.

“How about you, guys?” Mark turns to the two of them after having caught his breath, and they start walking again.

Jeno was about to answer his question, but Jaemin beats him to it though, chirping, “We really had a lot of fun too!”

Donghyuck’s and Mark’s jaws drop upon his very cheerful response, and the fact that Jeno has his arm slung around his shoulders. The sudden burst of energy catches him off guard too, hearing Jaemin tell all the funny moments he had with their classmates.

Well, it’s better than the Jaemin they saw from earlier, and this side of his makes Jeno the happiest anyway. So he shrugs his shoulders, exclaiming, “ _We_ had a lot of fun.”

∞

**6**

To everyone’s surprise, Jeno is finally slowing down and undergoing a state of reflection these days.

Usually during the weeks of promoting their releases, he will set his eyes on the goals that their group wants to attain. But the past few months have been rewarding and fruitful. He got to experience having a concert tour, even if it was unfortunately cut short. They were able to have a comeback after nine months, beating previous records and soaring high in the charts and selling a lot of albums. They aren’t lying when they say that this is something they didn’t see coming at all. Along with those achievements they’re getting recognition by the general public too.

And he is really, really happy about it. Personally, he thinks they could have done better for these two weeks of promotions, but being dubbed as _SM’s representative boy group_ and getting a win in a famous music show is already a feat. Well, there’s always a next time.

That’s why Jeno is in the living room, leaning his back against the foot of the couch, opening his first bottle of ice cold beer for the night. He lets out a refreshed sigh at the same time he hears the fizz of alcohol, the sound making his ears tingle. Tonight is indeed the perfect time to celebrate with a drink.

For sanitary purposes, he makes sure to wipe the bottle’s lip and finish. When he’s done wiping invisible dirt and crumples the tissue, he finally takes a sip. He feels the heat and the coldness of the liquid when it hits his tongue, and god the bitter aftertaste is satisfying. He sighs again when the fizz makes his body shudder for a bit, before relaxing against the couch again.

Jeno smiles at the bottle like it’s a friend he has not seen in years. “Ah, this feels good.” After that, he opens the bag of chips one of their managers bought for the dorm the night before, shoving a handful into his mouth. This time of relaxation just keeps getting better.

Nothing much is going on within their dorm. Other than him drinking and eating, Jisung probably took another evening nap in his room. With each sip of beer and each handful of chips, Jeno eventually gets disturbed by the lack of noise and chaos. He isn’t used to a peaceful and quiet home life anymore. He thinks that the solution to this small problem is to play some music from his phone, so he puts all of his songs on shuffle.

It’s funny, how it starts with songs that usually calm him down and help him sleep. His mind then drifts to how fun it would be if Donghyuck and Renjun were here, poking fun at his depressing choice of songs while going batshit crazy over shots of soju and tteokbokki they all chipped in to buy. And as the night gets deeper, they would be talking about tidbits of their personal lives, the happy and sad and frustrating moments they’re tipsy enough to disclose. Then by the time they’re all too intoxicated to have an idea of what they’re doing, Jeno would be sending them to bed and clean up the living room on his own—his drunken habit.

Jeno misses them, even if he and Renjun stay in the same dorm. It’s been awhile since the three of them gathered to have nights like those. He hopes they can do it again during Donghyuck’s birthday.

The next batch of songs that come on shuffle are _their_ songs. It still feels weird listening to them sometimes, knowing that his voice is in those. He wonders when he will get to listen to them casually, and not skim through points he should improve the next time. He finishes his first bottle of beer when Love Again ends, still wanting more alcohol in his system.

Thank goodness that he has all the bottles for himself, so he gets up from the floor and grabs another bottle from the fridge, already uncapping it by the kitchen counter. He almost trips on his way to the couch, but he manages to properly sit on the couch this time, legs crossed and back leaning on the cushion.

Puzzle Piece starts playing, and he relives everything that helped him write some of the lyrics. Obviously, he thought of everyone dear to him, including the fans. He thought of how it’d feel like for him to find your other, _better_ half but back then, he didn’t think of Jaemin while writing it. Now, the lyrics hit him a little differently, and Jeno thinks of him.

_Like piecing together scattered pieces, we fit together our story._

Jeno remembers a younger, more innocent Jaemin from 2013, specifically on the day they first met. He couldn’t clearly recall what he felt at that time, only reminiscing at his cute way of speaking then fondly. Back then, he only was a stranger, some fellow auditionee. He had no idea that they would be seeing each other more often, and that they would know each other for this long.

_The piece that is taking up the empty space somewhere in my heart..._

His slightly intoxicated state heightens his senses, quickly hearing the gentle twist of the doorknob. His ears perk up upon knowing who is now by the door, from the light footsteps and the deep sighs that sound like an elderly man’s. Jeno immediately gets off the couch, stumbling a little in the process but he successfully stands a few steps away from him, beaming and his arms wide open. “Welcome home!”

_I knew from the first glance that it was you._

Jaemin takes off his bucket hat, showing his fading blue hair and then takes off his face mask, immediately disposing of it. He appears exhausted from the groceries he is holding with both hands, but all that tiredness seems to go away when he finally looks back at Jeno.

He’d be lying if he said that the way Jaemin looks at him doesn’t make him feel some type of way.

A giggle leaves his mouth, dropping the bag of groceries to the floor and hurriedly jogging towards him. When Jeno feels the very familiar weight of his face resting on his shoulder, he circles his arms around Jaemin’s waist, resting his cheek against his blue locks.

“I’m home.” Jeno whispers in his ear, leaving a kiss on Jaemin’s temple.

He can’t tell if he is sober or not, but he feels braver, and a little more expressive. He slightly pulls away so he can have a look at his pretty face, and he must be overreacting but whatever courses his veins upon Jaemin smiling back at him is starting to make him so, _so_ drunk.

Being able to see him like this every day is a blessing in itself. God, Jeno is _so_ in love.

Like the usual, Jeno leans in for a kiss, which is received well by a less tired Jaemin. It’s not exactly as chaste as the first set of kisses they shared the night they told each other about their feelings, but it’s sweet enough to make them smile in the midst of it.

It gets sweeter with each touch of their lips, so sweet that none of them wants to pull away. It gets so intense that Jaemin already has his legs around his waist and Jeno has a hold of his thighs, letting his feet take them to his room. The bags of groceries, the unfinished bottle of beer, and the still open bag of chips are then abandoned in the living room.

Amidst making their way to his room, they hear something crack loudly. Jeno pulls away, lips reddening but all the more confused on where the sound came from. Silence falls upon the two of them, with Jaemin still holding onto him.

They were already by the door of his bedroom when they heard something crack again. But what follows is Jisung coming out of his room, stretching his arms while holding his phone, listening to something with his earphones. They stay where they are, watching him go to the living room, only for them to hear him whine.

“Ah, really, _Jeno hyung_! And the groceries...why didn’t Jaemin hyung at least bring them to the kitchen? Are they taking advantage of my sense of responsibility? I’m going to talk to them tomorrow morning, this is too much. They’re already all over each other Chenle-yah, like you predicted. They keep getting _worse_. I don’t know what to do with them anymore, Chenle.”

Jeno is not phased by his whining, but he looks unimpressed. “He’s really grown up now.”

“Jisungie’s even scolding us when we aren’t around now,” Jaemin giggles, slightly moving his feet around to express his joy.

They get quiet again watching Jisung clean up their messes, getting all the bags of groceries and properly disposing the beer bottles and sealing the open bags of chips. There is fondness seen in Jeno and Jaemin’s fatherly smiles as he sees them look less of the younger Jisung they met years ago.

“We’ve really gotten old,” Jeno murmurs, turning to Jaemin.

“You say it like it’s something bad.” Jaemin chuckles, hitting the lower part of his back with the heels of his feet.

Jeno immediately shakes his head, pecking his lips as they finally enter his room. “It isn’t.” Jaemin nearly asks him about it, but he gets cut off with a kiss, and the kiss after that, and the kiss after the first two kisses.

He already forgets what he’s supposed to ask when the back of his head hits his pillows, and Jeno pulls away for a bit just to look at Jaemin’s beautiful face.

Moments as simple as this make Jeno feel like the happiest man alive; it makes him feel complete and makes him believe that a lifetime with him is a huge possibility, something certain among many uncertainties in his life.

“It’s a good thing, for me.” Jeno cups his cheek. “I don’t regret growing up with you, Jaemin-ah.”

He watches Jaemin’s eyes twinkle more from his answer, and he slightly gets his head up from the pillow to kiss Jeno’s lips.

“I don’t regret growing up with you too, Jeno-yah,” Jaemin whispers against his lips. This is much more meaningful than a casual “I love you” for Jeno, and he knows that too. 

_This_ is, and will be more than enough for Jeno and Jaemin.

∞

**+1**

An entertainment building has never felt this huge and majestic; it feels like a place he should not have stepped into in the first place. He never felt this intimidated back when he was younger, when he went to places like this frequently for commercials, but times have changed. He’s here to audition to be an idol like in those music shows he watched.

Jeno has wanted to ask this since the day the scouting agent approached him and his mom: just what do they see in him? Is SM Entertainment an entertainment agency full of psychics who saw his future and saw him be a well-rounded and amazing idol? _That’s farfetched_ , he tells himself before lightly slapping his own cheek. That’s impossible.

Well, regardless of the nervousness bugging him and his parents holding him back, he did want to give it at least a try. So after having a serious talk with his parents, he is now standing in front of the company’s building in Cheongdam. He wants to see if this is the future he is meant for. He wants to check how long this bubbling passion in him will last, if this is really his final career choice. He wants to see where this will take him. 

“Good luck, Jeno.” He gets hugs and kisses, and words of encouragement from his mom, and then he goes inside on his own. For some reason, this makes him feel like a grownup; it’s gratifying and at the same time, nerve wracking.

He stops somewhere in the middle of the hallways that have posters of each groups’ releases, including the acts who are no longer tied to them contractually. He makes sure to stand by the sides and not in the middle, just in case people pass by. He sneaks his hands into his short pockets, trying not to grasp anything that is not the business card the scouting agent gave him.

When he finally has the business card in his hands, he brings it close to his face to see the information written down. _Fourth floor_ , it says. The piece of information makes him sweat more, but not wanting to waste any more time, Jeno starts walking again to find the nearest flight of staircases.

After a few minutes of going up the stairs, and making his way through the second and third floors while staring at the professionals that fill the building in awe, he’s facing the door of where he will audition. His heart starts pounding so loud that he can hear it in his ears. He never really considered himself being anxious and worried about anything that involved big stuff like his grades in school...but _this_.

This is the first time that he has felt so worked up about something. Jeno can’t help but ask himself, “ _Will he be able to get in?_ ”

“You can just go home now,” He murmurs, absolutely terrified. “Wait no. You’ve been exposed to cameras before. If you did it before, then you could do it again.” He pats his own shoulder for encouragement’s sake.

He wasn’t raised by his loving family to be a quitter, and most of all, he surely doesn’t want to back out now. He has to see this until the end, he has to. He has to because he doesn’t want to regret not taking the opportunity when he’s older.

Jeno takes another deep breath and opens the door, bowing in ninety degrees as soon as he sees people sitting on chairs and a camera behind them. He just hopes from here that his current best will be enough.

And as his audition begins, somewhere in Cheongdam as well, Jaemin gets lost.

His excitement and energy from hours ago is now gone as he turns to his grandma. “You really shouldn’t have come with me, granny!” He nags with his maturing voice, noticing how she already looks exhausted from all the walking.

“It is fine Jaemin-ah, it was my choice to go with you.” She gently pats his arm, urging him to continue walking by linking their arms together. “And I want to see my precious grandson’s first step to achieving his dream.”

Jaemin pouts at her, whining as he turns to his surroundings, hoping that he is near the building he is supposed to go to. “I appreciate the sentiment, granny. I really do. But you need to rest somewhere!”

“Don’t mind me!”

“ _Grandmother_.” Jaemin doesn’t sound as intimidating as he wanted to be, his hands on both straps of his backpack. He pleads to her with the use of his eyes. She doesn’t back down too, looking into his soul with the same kind of strategy he is using on her.

“Let’s get a taxi, that’s much better.” He suggests, already raising his arm to hail one. Her grandmother quickly puts his arm down, whining in a way similar to his.

She keeps shaking her head, holding both of his hands. “I want to walk.”

“But walking is inconvenient for you! I walk slow too.”

“Jaeminnie, let’s just walk.”

After many passersby walking past them and many cars speeding, someone eventually surrenders to the other’s pleading eyes. Unsurprisingly, that someone happens to be Jaemin, always the filial grandson. “Okay, fine. But if you’re really tired, you _have_ to tell me!”

Knowing that he will not stop worrying, she just nods to his ceaseless nagging, and from there they continue to search for SM Entertainment’s Cheongdam building. It is only after three hours later—yes that includes the breaks they had to take, do they end up in front of the building.

Upon seeing the logo of the famous company, he already feels like vomiting his heart out. Is he truly ready for this? Well...he did get scouted while he was busy doing volunteer work. He could’ve been scouted at a time when he wasn’t too busy, but for sure, they must have seen some star factor in him that led to being invited to audition for SM, and being given a business card.

_Right?_

Gosh, does he even have the talent for this? Did he properly think this through?

“Don’t just stand there!” Jaemin yelps when his grandmother lightly pushes him forward, nearly dropping the business card in his hands. He was about to whine again, but she moved closer to him and gave him a hug.

His ears turn red at the gesture. For the first time in his life, he finds it awkward to hug her back. It’s not that he is disgusted; he’s touched, but he’s starting to feel weird over being at the receiving end of love and affection. He wants to reciprocate, but he might look cringey doing so.

“You will do well, Jaeminnie. You always do well.” She still hugs him tight, smoothing out the unruly strands of his hair. “No matter what happens, I’m here to support you, okay?”

“I know.” Jaemin feels his eyes getting heavy. If it is because of the nervousness or the encouragement he is receiving from his dear loved one, he isn’t sure. “Thank you.”

“Now show them what you’re made of.” She pushes him forward again, and despite his nervousness, he takes a few steps until he reaches the entrance. Before he fully enters the building he turns around, waving her goodbye with an anxious smile.

He knows he can’t stay here forever, so he wills himself to turn around, and he gets in SM before the sliding doors close.

Jaemin can feel his nerves keeping him from functioning properly, and as expected, he forgets where he’s supposed to go. He looks at the business card again. _Fourth floor_ of this building, it says. Now valuing the importance of time, he gets to the nearest flight of staircases, jogging up there while bowing to employees who pass by. He’s doing it, so he doesn’t come off disrespectful.

By the time he’s at the fourth floor, he has his hand on the rail, gasping for air. His shoulders are heaving, and he is starting to sweat a lot. He didn’t even perspire _this much_ throughout the three-hour walk with his grandma; this is definitely because of his nerves. Nonetheless after catching his breath, he jogs through the corridors to look for the room he is supposed to go to.

Jaemin makes sure he is wearing his backpack properly. His free hand is on his hair, ruffling it and straightening it, attempting to make it look tidy and cool. He also pats his cheeks and chin and nose, to check if it’s gotten too oily.

When he’s finally near the supposed audition room, he sees another person by the door. He looks younger, or most probably the same age as him. His hair looks really straight and appropriate with his not so fluffy bowl cut. He is wearing a t-shirt that has a Pokémon on it, and jeans way too big for his size. He also has dirty sneakers on, he had to add. Jaemin thinks that he looks like someone he can befriend.

So as soon as they’re close enough to talk, Jaemin stops in front of him, and formally bows. “Hello!”

Sincerely, he thought that the boy would bow back too or at least sport a smile. But when Jaemin stands straight again, all he gets is a blank stare. It doesn’t offend him though; he looks really, _really_ handsome up close.

“I’m Na Jaemin! Did you perhaps audition?”

With his grin getting wider each second, the handsome boy gets shyer, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yes, I did. Um, you?”

“Oh, _me too_! I mean, I will after I talk to you—I hope you got what I meant.”

Jeno can’t ignore the way the boy who suddenly approached him is speaking. It’s as if he is talking in a cute tone on purpose. “Yes, I got your point.” Or perhaps it’s really his way of pronouncing things? Either way, it isn’t annoying to him. He thinks it’s cute and that it suits this boy’s character. “Um...good luck on your audition, Jaemin.”

_That’s his name, Jaemin._ Why’s his gut feeling telling him that he’ll be seeing him more often than expected? Perhaps it’s because he exudes warmth, and seems likeable. “T-Thank you so much. May I know your name?”

He gulps the lump down his throat. He’s shy around strangers in general, but there’s something about this Jaemin that’s making him loosen up so easily. “I—I’m Lee Jeno.”

Jeno feels his cheeks getting warm when Jaemin’s eyes brighten upon hearing his name. “That’s such a unique name! That’s wonderful.”

“Yes, my grandpa gave me the name. Anyway, thanks.”

After that, Jaemin just stares at Jeno, still dumbstruck by how good-looking he is. Sure, everyone is pretty in his eyes at first but this person is one of the most beautiful people he has ever seen. He wonders if he is just as beautiful on the inside too.

On the other hand, Jeno tries hard to fight the smile making its way to his face. He fails though, because suddenly he’s smiling and Jaemin looks stunned afterwards. He hopes that he’s stunned for a good reason and not the other way around.

“You should get in now...”

“Oh, right! Sorry, you look handsome. I don’t mean to be weird, but you’re really, _really_ handsome.” Jaemin giggles, holding onto his backpack straps tighter, avoiding his stare. Jeno laughs, nodding his head in understanding.

He isn’t exactly sure of what will happen from here, of how his audition will turn out good or bad. But he wants to make a friend, and Jaemin looks like a friend he’ll hang out with in the near future. So he blurts, “I’ll see you soon.”

Jeno notices how he always seems so awed by everything that comes out of his mouth, it’s amusing. “I’ll definitely see you soon, Lee Jeno.”

And with a wave of his hand, Jaemin walks past him, with a bounce in his steps. Unconsciously, Jeno’s eyes never leave him, up until he quickly opens the door and steps inside.

The gut feeling from a few minutes ago kicks in again. He lets the smile stay on his face. He sincerely hopes that he’ll see him soon.

**Author's Note:**

> now that you're done reading the fic, i'd appreciate a kudos and a comment if you liked/loved it! sending love to my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/clreamer) and/or my [twitter](https://twitter.com/piscesnomin) can also do! also reminding you to stay hydrated and stay aware of what's going on with the world. sign petitions, send e-mails, and speak up about social issues. never stop speaking for your rights. be kind to everyone and most of all, to yourself. have a great day.


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